Ever since my good friend Reyna passed away in a car accident, I haven’t been able to come to terms with her death. To say that I was an emotional wreck would probably be an understatement.

I couldn’t even be alone in my house without feeling afraid. Memories of her lying motionless in the coffin would creep into my mind and haunt me at every waking moment. Tears would well up in my eyes whenever I thought of her. I was mortified, to say the least.

I couldn’t believe that she was gone. We didn’t even have time to say goodbye.

Nobody saw her for the last time.

You see accidents happening everyday on the roads, but it all seems very distant because you don’t have an emotional attachment to the victims. You can try to put yourself in the shoes of the victims’ family and friends, but I can tell you with absolute conviction that when it happens to you, the wave of emotions that engulfs you is inexplicably excruciating. I most certainly would not wish this upon anyone for it is the worst feeling one can ever experience. It is a potent concoction of fear, denial, anguish, helplessness and anger.

I can only imagine the amount of grief her husband, daughter and family members have to undergo. I yearn to help, but first, I need to get back on my feet and I know this will happen quickly because they will be my driving force.

Reyna’s sudden departure struck me so hard it ignited an acute fear in me, a fear that I would lose someone close to me again some time down the road. Fortunately, it is also because of this fear that I have come to appreciate and cherish the people in my life even more. I have always been happy and contented with my life, but I am now more tolerant towards others as well. I believe that arguments should never last more than an hour, because I would rather make better use of time by bringing joy to people around me. Embracing new opportunities and breaking the habit of procrastination is another step that I have taken in the right direction. After all, life is a journey of discovery, and experiences are the very ingredients that make life worth living.

Writing about her departure is another step that I am taking to get back on my feet. I couldn’t do so any earlier because this would mean that I have accepted her death and it was just impossible for me to do so until now.

For now, I just want to remember my beautiful girlfriend, her radiant megawatt smile, her cheerful nature, her laughter and all the wonderful moments that we shared. I don’t know why, but I would always recall how she looked when she came by to visit me at my previous workplace at Bugis. I remember her in a fuschia top and how she sashayed across the road with such grace, no one would never have thought she was pregnant then. She was one fabulous hot mama.

I wish we spent more time together during our first and last holiday together in Hong Kong, but I am sure she had a ball of a time nevertheless. We were planning this holiday for ages and it finally materialized.

During the trip, both of us lamented that we didn’t have time to check out the cafes in Hong Kong. Well, I’m glad we managed to have tea together one last time at agnes b cafe. 🙂

For my fabulous girlfriend, I will continue to blog about our equally fabulous HK trip so that our shared memories will live on forever. I know she is in a better place and the rest of us here will always remember her dearly in our hearts.